mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
