last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
