We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
