So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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