having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
