I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
