I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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