Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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