he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
