Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
