who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
