so explain again why im purple
no
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
