haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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