Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
