Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
