someone get that fucking seahorse.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
