i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
