Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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