so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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