ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
