I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
