did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
