Quick, to the slutcave!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I party with great urgency now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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