Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
