New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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