Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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