he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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