i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
