you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
