the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
