You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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