I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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