but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
found the other keg... it's in the tree
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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