alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
