There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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