I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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