I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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