I'm jealous of your bromance
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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