I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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