just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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