9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
