i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
