No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
