i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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