I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize