a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
