Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
