You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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