he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
