tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
