Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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