Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My liver just had a heart attack.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
