i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
