It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize