Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
