he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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