Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
