mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
