when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
