I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
