I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
