dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You took a bar mat shot.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
