Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
