Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
