..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My penis needs a shock collar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
