you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
