Pappa wants mamma naked
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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