I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
