I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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