i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize