he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
