if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
